Week 5: Suppositions on Settling In

I'm not completely settled obviously. I'm staying on an air mattress next to the front door of an apartment where one of my roommates works at 5am and the other til midnight.  I've not had a decent nights sleep since I left Nashville all those many days ago. I'm mildly miserable with a peppered dose of adventurous spirit.  These will all be funny memories down the road... I hope.

My week has been much more reserved than previous weeks.  I am attempting to settle into these new environs and have successfully bought food from a super market.  That is cool.  I've made some good things, like a pasta with Italian Sausage and Pan Seared Brussels and Italian Sausage with toasted Sour Dough (Sausages were the Manager's special. Can't say no to them prices).  I've also failed miserably with this horrifying concoction of a can of condensed french onion soup, rice, and lentils. It may be possible to make that edible, but you'd need more knowledge of cooking and more tools of the trade than I have at my disposal.  We won't talk about that any more, it was a sad meal.

Also on food, I've not made one in a long time but I've reverted back to my college days and made my "famous" Heart Stoppers.
This is what it is. Feel free to make them in your own home if you are tired of your arteries not being clogged!

HEARTSTOPPER (Not fried yet)

Kevin's "Famous" Heartstopper

Ingredients:
     Bologna
     Bacon
     Egg
     2 Slice of Bread (Your choice)
     Mustard
     Mayonnaise

Fry the bacon in a pan.

Fry the bologna in a pan.

Fry the egg in a pan.

Fry the toast in a pan.

Slather on mustard an mayo.

Die a little

Feel free to use that recipe any time, any where, and always give credit where credit is due. (Unless no one will know, then take the credit yourself. You didn't earn it, but who is gunna know?!)

This week I also met up with some friends of friends from back in Nashville.  One of those relationships where "I know someone out where you are going to be so you should both meet up and be friends because we are friends then we have more friends" type things.  BUT! wtf else was I gunna do?

I met up with them in Glendale at The Hermosillo, a brewery thing there, and we had a good night drinking beers and chatting about this and that.  I've noticed a strange thing here in this city, and maybe this is just me, but there are two types of relationships that start in the city.  

Friends of Friends of Friends

1.You have the people who meet you and keep their distance. Maybe they already have too many friends, maybe they hate you, I don't know.

2.Then there are the people who welcome you into their lives with open arms.  Its kind of like meeting up with an old friend and catching up, except you need to catch up on their entire lives because you just met.  

Number 2. is the majority of people I have met here and its been overwhelmingly nice to have so many new faces in my life. In particular when new faces are basically the only thing in my life.

Of course, perhaps these people are always like this, perhaps its my perception, perhaps its just me (I'd like to think I'm personable and nice and approachable).  Whatever the case, its been fun meeting all these people who genuinely want to find new, fun people to hang out with.

I have again invaded Corey and Emily's home, my surrogate Thanksgiving family, for Emily's Birthday.  This was last night, it started at 8pm, I left at 5am. It was a romping good time.

Party Party Party

Man of house. Birthday girl.

AND NOW FOR SOMETHING COMPLETELY DIFFERENT!

I had a bit of a hiccup this week.  I came out here because I am an actor (IMDB can be quoted as stating that fact) and there is work for actors out here.  Sure, there are already a lot of actors out here, but I happen to be a well above average individual when it comes to that skill, so I moved.  I suspected it would be hard, intended to not have an easy path, and set my teeth and came.

I've had an overwhelming amount of success since I moved out here.  I've been in 4 films with speaking roles, 2 of which I was the lead,1 supporting, and one featured, and I've been on 4 more sets as an extra.  I feel like I am making strides in the right direction.  Well, maybe not "strides", perhaps waddles, or like... inches, but I've felt like I have been working and doing things, and I've had more auditions in the past month than I ever had in the entire time I was in Nashville which makes me think I've made a good decision. (I still miss you Nashville)

I have had 3 major auditions/roles since I have been here that I was very excited about. One of them was the Nightwing Webseries I believe I mentioned where they left and never informed me so I didn't get to audition. A let down but a short hurdle to jump. The next was a student film that I am still waiting back to hear about and hope I got.  If I get it, I will have sweet telekentic powers (mind bullets) and that just sounds fun.

The last exciting audition/role, and most sour of defeats, came this previous Tuesday.  I placed my name in for a role in a film, a featured extra role on a SAG/AFTRA pilot.  I figured If I got it I would have only 2 extra things left before I became SAG eligible.  That would be optimal.

That night I got an email stating that they wanted me for the PRINCIPAL boyfriend role, and that they would Taft Hartley me, which means I would be SAG eligible basically as soon as the shoot day was done.  This was unbelievable.  I was thrilled, ecstatic, and ready for that to go my way.  I promptly responded with the all clear that I was available, then gave up 2 auditions for paid work that would have been on the same day as the shoot.

Wednesday rolled around.

Thursday...

Thursday night and I've got no script, no shoot schedule, no information, and a slowly, sinking suspicion that I've been duped.

Friday was a rough day.  I'm usually pretty good about picking myself out of the mud of self pity, but this time I had sunk pretty deep.  Took me pretty much all Friday to pick myself up and feel decent again.

Its not that I was depressed about not getting the role.  I was, of course, but the major defeat was suffered psychologically.  I came out here with the full knowledge that 3 years minimum was going to be my run time to get even close to where I want to be, 5 years more likely.  

But! To have the carrot of success dangled in front of your face so early, then to find out its actually a gilted turd wrapped in a bow with the words "Eat shit" all over it... thats a heavy defeat.

I wanted that so bad. I thought I had it.  That was what got. That was what was difficult to shirk.

My father poignantly stated when we were watching the World Cup:

"If you aren't willing to cry when you don't get what you wanted, you didn't want it bad enough in the first place"

I suppose to be defeated so hugely, to take that hit so hard, I wanted that role desperately enough to feel it.  I'll take it as a win.  At least I know my wants are directed that way, now its all about setting to my conviction and sticking with it.

I will get to where I want to be. I won't take anything less.

What could go wrong?